Wednesday, May 19, 2010

3 Basic Steps to Conflict Resolution - By Kealah Parkinson

Are you afraid of conflict? You're not alone. It's human nature to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. And today, as jobs become more precious and tensions rise in the work place, conflict creates an even bigger stress load (at best) and irreparable damage to our jobs and relationships (at worst).

I'm a Communications Coach, and these days I'm seeing clients struggling to break out of emotions that keep them from freely speaking their truth. After I've helped them to identify what emotions they're feeling and when-as well as how emotional overload blocks them from success-we take a look together at ways they can practice using their new skills.

Conflict resolution provides the perfect opportunity. Starting small (by addressing a situation that irks you, for example) is a good way to begin your practice. Let's say you have a co-worker who really gets under your skin. He's a guy who pops his head into your work space several times a day for no particular reason. He disrespects your time and can't seem to take a hint.

What do you do?

First, get a handle on everything you've been feeling around the situation by applying self-honesty. Then move into these basic steps of conflict resolution:

1. OPEN YOUR EYES
Although maintaining eye contact isn't easy for everyone, most people prefer it. It shows a level of trust and respect. Looking your co-worker in the eye when he interrupts you this time gives him your full attention (maybe something you've avoided in the past), and demonstrates patience. Be sure to cultivate this patience by paying attention to your body-and regulating your breathing if needed-so that you avoid making eye contact that's intimidating or otherwise threatening.

2. OPEN YOUR EARS
Listening is crucial to conversation, especially when emotions come into play. It's too easy to misinterpret what's being said when you're overly emotional. The brain can only handle so much at once.
It may be tempting to begin speaking straight away, in order to get the topic out on the table upfront. However, truly successful conflict resolution requires you to be a receiver first and a mouth piece second. There are many ways you can continue to demonstrate patience and mentally prepare yourself by being fully present in the moment as it arises.
Active listening is a great way to put your co-worker (and yourself!) at ease in this scenario.

Examples of active listening include nodding your head, smiling or frowning when appropriate, and responding with phrases like, "I see," or "Mmm-hmmm." An advanced active listening technique, called mirroring, helps you to further sift through the information your colleague is sharing. This is key when you're feeling impatient or otherwise emotional inside and may not be processing info. correctly. In mirroring, you repeat back what the other person has said or sometimes even what she or he seems to be saying "between the lines," as in this sample conversation:
CO-WORKER: (blathers on about his morning)
YOU: (evenly or with empathy) It sounds like you've had a very busy morning.
CO-WORKER: Oh, let me tell you another thing, too-!
YOU: I'm sorry to interrupt your story, but I do have get back to work. Could we finish this conversation another time?
CO-WORKER: (sarcastically) Oh, well, excuse me! What are you working on that's so important, anyway? (half-jokingly) Top secret?
YOU: It sounds like I offended you.

3. OPEN YOUR HEART
While staying as unemotional, or calm, as possible is important in conflict resolution, it's doubly as important to generate empathy for the person you're facing. Sometimes it's hard to find even an ounce of compassion for the one you're in conflict with, but there is a shortcut to this. Look for common ground; if you have to, start with the very issue you're arguing over. After all, one thing you can say for certain about this person is that you both feel passionate about what's at stake!
In the case of your annoying co-worker, you can know that you both like being in your work space (albeit for different reasons), and each of you wants more of YOUR particular time. When you open your heart to your co-worker from this point of view, you're more apt to be amused and more easily relate. And when you open your heart to yourself, likewise, you're sure to protect your own boundaries and goals as the conversation progresses.

Making good eye contact, patiently listening to really discern what's being said, and employing empathy to find common ground are the basic tenets of conflict resolution, big and small. Use these three basic steps to walk your way through controversy and find peace for yourself.** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article,go here.

About the Author:Kealah (KEE-la) Parkinson is a Communications Coach and the creator of the Speak Your Truth life communications course. Her course e-workbook can be downloaded by anyone at http://www.speak-your-truth.com. She blogs weekly at http://www.BeyondTalk.blogspot.com.

Monday, May 3, 2010

50 Affirmations to Raise Your Self-Esteem

I ran across this article today that has tons of great affirmations. As we know, we are what we say we are and these are great reminders that we are all magnificant creatures filled with purpose! Pick one or two or three repeat it throughout the day. Be mindful of what feelings and thoughts come up when you say great things about yourself. :-)
Enjoy~
*********


Are you ready to feel good about yourself? That is the key to health, happiness, fulfilling relationships, and success.

Negative thoughts hurt your self-esteem and positive thoughts help you feel good. To raise your self-esteem, say, sing, or write the following 50 affirmations (positive thoughts) until they become part of your automatic thinking. It is even more powerful if you add your name:

.1 I, your name, am okay even when I am scared.
2. I, ____________, am a worthwhile person.
3. I, ____________, am important.
4. I, ____________, am good enough.
5. I, ____________, am okay.
6. I, ____________, am lovable.
7. I, ____________, am attractive.
8. I, ____________, am intelligent.
9. I, ____________, am creative and intuitive.
10. I, ____________, am competent and talented.
11. I, ____________, am a good person.
12. I, ____________, am wanted and I belong.
13. I, ____________, trust my decisions.
14. I, ____________, accept all my feelings.
15. I, ____________, am expressing my feelings in healthy ways.
16. I, ____________, am releasing my anger into a pillow and others and I are safe.
17. I, ____________, forgive myself for all my mistakes.
18. I, ____________, am forgiving others for all their mistakes.
19. I, ____________, am saying "no" and I am okay.
20. I, ____________, am self-caring and I am there for others.
21. I, ____________, am capable of taking care of myself.
22. I, ____________, am taking control of my life and seeing all of my choices.
23. I, ____________, am taking responsibility for my happiness.
24. I, ____________, am communicating honestly and clearly what I want and need.
25. I, ____________, am listening to what others want and creating win-win solutions.
26. I, ____________, am courageously facing the unknown, even though I am scared.
27. I, ____________, am allowing myself an abundance of love and prosperity.
28. I, ____________, see myself attractive, happy, and healthy.
29. I, ____________, am slim and in control of what I eat and drink.
30. I, ____________, am visualizing myself in a successful career.
31. I, ____________, am successful and people are very happy for me.
32. I, ____________, am modeling success for many people and I'm loved and safe.
33. I, ____________, am successful in my career and in my relationships.
34. I, ____________, am more successful than my parents and they love me.
35. I, ____________, am successful, because I want to be.
36. I, ____________, am prosperous and I am a good, honest person.
37. I, ____________, have an abundance of money and people want to be with me because they like me.
38. I, ____________, am successful and I have enough time for my loved ones and myself.
39. I, ____________, am allowing others to support and care about me.
40. I, ____________, am in a loving relationship and I am free to be me.
41. I, ____________, am in a lasting, fulfilling relationship.
42. I, ____________, am taking time to relax and play and I am productive.
43. I, ____________, am doing things effortlessly.
44. I, ____________, am taking total responsibility for my life and I am having fun.
45. I, ____________, am only responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
46. I, ____________, like myself.
47. I, ____________, love myself.
48. I, ____________, feel peacefully powerful.
49. I, ____________, am creating what I want in my life.
50. I, ____________, believe that I deserve it all.You sure do! Go for it!


Article Source: http://www.wellnessarticles.net
©2007 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!”

She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. www.lovetopeace.com ,